Things Harry Potter Taught Me 5
by Sinkme
Summary: Part 5. Still at 35 points so enjoy the extra sarcasm


What Harry Potter (and the Order of the Phoenix) taught me:

1. If you're a Squib living next to a famous teenager and are there for his semi-protection/to watch over him, make sure to inform him of that fact _before_ he's put in a life-threatening situation and is unlikely to trust your advice

2. Tonks is fricking awesome and also very underused. Seriously. Did someone forget the meaning of "change my appearance at will?"

3. If you want to transport a boy hero surreptitiously make sure to have almost a dozen people flying around Muggle London on brooms

4. If you need a Headquarters for a secret non-government organization, which will almost single-handedly tackle the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters, try to pick a place which: a) doesn't have 'grim' in its name, b) isn't filled with dark objects, and c) that doesn't have a portrait which actually screams about pureblood supremacy and mudblood filth. It might put a damper on the atmosphere

5. Harry likes to yell at people who don't deserve his anger. You can tell this because of the CAPS LOCK that the first ten or so chapters are put in whenever Harry is speaking

6. If the Ministry and its officials are unfairly putting you on trial and generally slandering your good name and harassing you via a teacher at school and you happen to have a friend who is blackmailing one of the most popular writers for the largest newspaper in your world, you should probably take advantage of that (Hermione gets there eventually, proving my earlier point of her cunning and ruthlessness)

7. When picking Prefects, it appears as though it doesn't really matter what the student did for their previous four years at Hogwarts

8. If your friend sees dead horse things that you don't see, assume he's lying and/or crazy. After all, he was hearing a voice in the walls in his second year and we all know how that turned out

9. Cho needs to decide what the hell is going on with her. You don't get to date one boy, cry for months after his death, and then drop hints/inspire hope in pathetic fifth year Gryffindors, only to decide that you don't want to date him after all

10. If you have a professor who is extremely hostile and antagonistic and assigns detentions like she's giving out candy, _stop provoking her_

11. If you're starting an underground Defense club to spite your professor and her boss (the _freaking Minister of Magic_) who are terrified of Dumbledore taking over, try for a little more subtlety when picking a name

12. Anyone who monitors Snape's class and forces him to answer questions about his past must have a certifiable mental problem

13. Ron is not a good Keeper.

14. Neither is Cormac

15. Ergo…bring back Oliver!

16. If your school enemy has been insulting you, your friends, your dead parents, your friends' families, and generally everything about you and the people around you, it is a _really bad idea_ to react with extreme violence when provoked in front of _literally the entire school and all the professors, five years after this all started_

17. Apparently High Inquisitors have the authority to dictate _lifelong_ Quidditch bans

18. It is super creepy that you have dreams of biting your best friend's dad

19. If a branch of magic has the potential to block out unwanted intrusions by a Dark Lord but the person who insists upon you learning it can't be bothered to find a teacher other than the _one person_ with whom you have _absolutely no chance_ of learning from, it obviously isn't super important that you master the art

20. Considering the mass breakout from Azkaban and the myriad of ways in which a person can magically alter their appearance, security questions with close friends might be a good idea. Keep the Marauder's Map close as well

21. If you're having a secret club meeting make sure to have a back door and planned escape routes

22. Hermione is so so so much more cunning and ruthless (and just plain mean- face pimples, really?) than I credited her with earlier

23. Just when you thought Harry's relationship with Snape couldn't get worse…It does

24. Magic knives and two-way mirrors are super useful. Don't forget about them

25. Giant half-brothers. Really Hagrid? If a Grawp falls down in the Forbidden Forest, and there's no one there to hear him, does he make a sound?

26. Apparently the Ministry of Magic registry system for guests has a sense of humor but no common sense for keeping out people who shouldn't be there

27. When teaching spells to a secret Defense club, minor healing spells might not be such a bad idea

28. (Movie) When did Apparating show your allegiance in a color cloud? Also- when did Apparating and _flying _become the same thing? I remember it being a _huge_ deal in the seventh book when Voldemort and Snape flew

29. Sirius had to have seen this coming, he's Harry's father figure, which means that death is guaranteed (Dumbledore and Lupin I'm looking at you now). Besides, good guys aren't allowed to taunt the bad guys when they fight. It's poor form

30. If one of the children (any of them really, but especially Harry) runs off after a verifiably insane murderer who just killed his godfather, _for the love of God someone stop him_

31. The Ministry of Magic needs to revamp its security and wards. Seriously.

32. Sending a boy back _alone_ who just led a failure of a mission into the Ministy, got several friends severely hurt, watched Order members show up and get severely hurt in the rescue attempt, watch his godfather die, confront his murderer, and get possessed by the Dark Lord is a dumb idea and actually super heartless

33. And in relation to that, it's a monumentally stupid idea to drop the prophecy on him _on top_ of everything he had to go through, despite how convenient it is to mention

34. Prophecies are stupid and vague; _neither can live while the other survives_. First of all what the hell does that even mean? Since it obviously doesn't mean that the two can't coexist, since they have both been _living_ since Voldemort was reborn. And the only reason that _either must die at the hand of the other_ _etc etc_, is _because of the damned prophecy_, which is why Voldemort is furiously hunting down Harry. Fail.

35. Harry should probably be comatose with all the stress and psychological problems he's faced in the last two years alone without even adding the whole, you know, _you have to kill Voldemort or the world will end_ thing


End file.
